Coldplay

From a New York Times article about karaoke killings in Asia.


Karaoke-related killings are not limited to the Philippines. In the past two years alone, a Malaysian man was fatally stabbed for hogging the microphone at a bar and a Thai man killed eight of his neighbors in a rage after they sang John Denver’s “Take Me Home, Country Roads.” Karaoke-related assaults have also occurred in the United States, including at a Seattle bar where a woman punched a man for singing Coldplay’s “Yellow” after criticizing his version.


I know people have died and there should be an appropriate measure of grief in any commentary about it, but kudos to the Seattle woman who punched the guy for singing Coldplay. First of all, I love that it was a woman who punched a man and secondly, it's a real service to Seattle's musical heritage to assault anyone who forces Coldplay upon a public audience. This should be the law everywhere...you know, except for the Philippines.

Join Team TFR: Haiti Relief Run

Loyal Readers,

I run for a number of reasons:
--I am predisposed to chubbiness
--Women love when I talk about running
(especially when I casually mention the foreign places where I've run)
--I hate the idea that my right knee might fully heal someday
--I have body image issues stemming from childhood chubbiness
--It allows me the opportunity to look like a post-Jurassic creature (see below)


turkeytrot07.JPG

AND...once in a while, it affords me the opportunity to seem better and more altruistic than I really am. This is one of those rare instances.


Join Team TrustFundReporting at the Run for Haiti on Saturday, February 20.
It's in Central Park. Entry is $40. It all goes to Haiti.

To register peep this.
Where it says "Team," go to "Team Name if not on Code List" and write-in TrustFundReporting (for some reason, the New York Road Runners have not officially recognized TrustFundReporting as an official running club...fascists!)


If you wish to donate in spirit, click myea.


If you wish to donate AND run in spirit, registration for a virtual race is right myea.


Thank you.

TFR: Super Bowl Pick

As some (actually none) of you have requested...following my brilliant prognostication viz. the Jets demise in the AFC Championship Game, I am offering the following predictions for Super Bowl XLIV:


Prediction #1: I am going to eat too many buffalo wings.

Analysis: While history has proven that buffalo wings are my gastrointestinal kryptonite, history has also proven that I am incapable of saying no to them. Prediction: 18 wings.


Prediction #2: The Colts are going to win. Big. Sorry New Orleans. Sorry America. If I had to predict a score, I'd say 31-17.


Analysis: Peyton Manning may be the best quarterback to ever play the game. It can't be argued. Today will prove this...again.


Prediction #3: Tim Tebow's Pro-Life Ad is going to sound about 300 times less cogent and thoughtful than this response by Planned Parenthood:


Analysis: I get it. It's football, it's 'Murica. I love them both deeply. But on a day when our country actually manages to come together for something (however fratty or objectionable it may be to some of you out there), why must politics be interjected into it? Why are we talking about abortion on Super Bowl Sunday? Can't the crazies just pump the brakes for one hot minute?

TFR: Not a Sensationalist Site

An awesome clip from last night's Daily Show elucidates why this blog is so much better than the others out there.


The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
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And by better I mean far too sloppily written to cover matters when they are still newsworthy.

You

You


Darling, you cut the eyes from
the dead. You harvest them
and like an unnamed tribe of savages
you give them away:
a miser reaching enlightenment
some filigree fibers
laying reflective siege
upon the cornea of a black hole.


The bodies in their
plastic bags
-do not move-
until you arrive
and then they fall
over themselves
because you ask them
not nicely.


You arrive
a weekly periodical
that I buy
but don’t get
and therefore
cannot bear to
part with.


I arrive with your favorite flowers
irises I joke
though they are darker
(like seaport streets)
as I know you prefer.


Having seen your body
nude and shimmering
like a lake of understanding,
I bless it
pristine but illusory
clear colored and opaque
lending its bathers
the taste of salted coffee.


Having seen your body
my eyes are waiting
in the waiting room.

Claiming J.D. Salinger (1919-2010)

salingercatcher.JPG


Let me get this little bit out of the way right now: Louis Menand of The New Yorker wrote the following about "The Catcher in the Rye" ten years ago and I don't think it's been said any better and I have the good fortune of being wise enough not to try to outdo him.


“The Catcher in the Rye” is a sympathetic portrait of a boy who refuses to be socialized which has become (among certain readers, anyway, for it is still occasionally banned in conservative school districts) a standard instrument of socialization. I was introduced to the book by my parents, people who, if they had ever imagined that I might, after finishing the thing, run away from school, smoke like a chimney, lie about my age in bars, solicit a prostitute, or use the word “goddam” in every third sentence, would (in the words of the story) have had about two hemorrhages apiece. Somehow, they knew this wouldn’t be the effect.


Menand adds:


Supposedly, kids respond to “The Catcher in the Rye” because they recognize themselves in the character of Holden Caulfield. Salinger is imagined to have given voice to what every adolescent, or, at least, every sensitive, intelligent, middle-class adolescent, thinks but is too inhibited to say, which is that success is a sham, and that successful people are mostly phonies. Reading Holden’s story is supposed to be the literary equivalent of looking in a mirror for the first time. This seems to underestimate the originality of the book. Fourteen-year-olds, even sensitive, intelligent, middle-class fourteen-year-olds, generally do not think that success is a sham, and if they sometimes feel unhappy, or angry, or out of it, it’s not because they think most other people are phonies. The whole emotional burden of adolescence is that you don’t know why you feel unhappy, or angry, or out of it. The appeal of “The Catcher in the Rye,” what makes it addictive, is that it provides you with a reason. It gives a content to chemistry.


Alright, are we good? Good. So let’s start with what is generally (?) known of J.D. Salinger: American writer, famous recluse, Holden Caulfield, Mark David Chapman/Lennon, and perhaps some stories about the Glass Family. And to that, add this: J(erome) D(avid) Salinger, grandson of a rabbi, son of a *ham* and cheese importer/father and a mother who hid her true Irish-Scottish (read: not Jewish) roots until after his bar-mitzvah.


salinger.jpg

Of course, it was not until the deluge of tributes yesterday that some (most) of us may have first sifted through his biographical information with any topical urgency. Now that we have, can we just concede that there is enough material in that early biography for a lifetime's worth of not only storytelling--Great American or other--but a level of torture that is so specifically Jewish that, if amplified, it might give the entire Bernard Malamud canon a run for its money? (This is, of course, not even a slight knock on Malamud.)


So why do we not place Salinger in the Malamud-Bellow-Roth-Mailer pantheon of 21st century Jewish American writers? Well, first of all, little is known about whether he identified as Jewish much beyond his youth and, from the few interviews he gave in his long and winding life, not much has been parsed. We do know that later in his life he was partial to some eccentric ideologies.


Some literary authorities suggest that because Salinger so deftly camouflaged the Jewish experience in his writing it became unrecognizable. Therefore we (Jews), tortured as we are, couldn’t really claim him. Janet Malcolm, in a typically blistering essay, adds it’s not that Salinger didn’t find the Jewish experience salient or pure (she admits we’ll never really know), but rather, that because those edges were blurred the alchemy of solitude in his stories was made more universal.


Characters, beyond the obvious Caulfield, like Franny Glass exhibited symptoms of isolation and outsiderness that really feel particularly “Jewish” (gleamed from what is either known by us or found in the works of the aforementioned the Jewish greats). But they also feel human in a way washed of any explicit tribal suffering. This irked Jews like Maxwell Geismar whom Malcolm quotes:

"The locale of the New York sections is obviously that of a comfortable middle-class urban Jewish society where, however, all the leading figures have become beautifully Anglicized. Holden and Phoebe Caulfield: what perfect American social register names which are presented to us in both a social and a psychological void!"


To echo Malcolm, perhaps it resonated because it was a sting so bare and unadorned.


As for the rest of Salinger’s bio, well, a glancing over of it smacks of what many (or at least I) would consider a very American experience: he hated high school on the Upper West Side, flunked out, hated military school, wrote about that, hated college, popped in and out of places, wrote banal and formulaic stories, they were rejected, wrote more, was published, was drafted for World War II (spoke German well enough to interrogate POWs and deserters), wrote about his service ("For Esmé — With Love and Squalor" is one of his best and most haunting), landed on Utah Beach on D-Day, fought in the Battle of the Bulge, had a breakdown, was one of the first to walk into a liberated camp, befriended Hemingway all the while, published more brilliant stories, slipped off the radar more, experimented with Eastern religions, Christian Science, Dianetics/other crackpot philosophies, wrote more stories, then wrote ones without stark endings that were circular and so brilliant that people called them too weird to be enjoyed, had affairs with younger women, married a few times and had a few children (one delegate from both his wives and children wrote damning books about him calling him abusive, brooding, drinker of his own urine), sold the movie rights to a story for money, was dismayed by the outcome of the movie, never sold film rights again, had more affairs while locked up in the New Hampshire hinterlands, kept fellow reclusive friends, stopped publishing stories in 1965, remarried, stopped interviewing in 1980, sat quietly on a growing cache of unpublished work for 45 years, died at 91.


Perhaps this later Salinger biography (sparse in its convention, mythical in its hermeticism), the adult version of the one to which Menand so aptly links youth and Caulfield, is a reflection that says something about Jews in America. Something unspecific, something--like his work-- inchoate and generally unsaid by the great Jewish American writers: we’ve arrived, our travails are universal, we don’t have to name our experiences so much. Or perhaps we do. I suppose once all of Salinger’s hidden treasures are pillaged and finally published, we can enjoy trying to claim him.


The Crapper Centenary

toilet-in-Japan.jpg

Friends,

I hope you all will pause with me to mark to the 100th anniversary of the death of Thomas P. Crapper, the famous English plumber who helped revolutionize numerous components of what we know today as the modern toilet. He died January 27, 1910.

Here is a little nugget from his Wikipedia entry:


Contrary to widespread misconceptions, Crapper did not invent the toilet. He did, however, do much to increase the popularity of the toilet, and did develop some important related inventions, such as the ballcock. He was noted for the quality of his products and received several Royal Warrants.


Crapper continues to be the subject of historical interest. Also from Wikipedia:
The manhole covers with Crapper's company's name on them in Westminster Abbey are now a minor tourist attraction.


It's important that we realize about how far we have come as a society; without a man like Crapper, Elvis might have died somewhere really really embarrassing.


Another little dollop from a 1993 issue of Plumbing and Mechanical

Myth: The word "crap" is derived from Thomas Crapper's name.

Fact. The origin of crap is still being debated. Possible sources include the Dutch Krappe; Low German krape meaning a vile and inedible fish; Middle English crappy, and Thomas Crapper. Where crap is derived from Crapper, it is by a process know as, pardon the pun, a back formation.

The World War I doughboys passing through England brought together Crapper's name and the toilet. They saw the words T. Crapper-Chelsea printed on the tanks and coined the slang "crapper" meaning toilet.


I urge you to take a small moment out of your day (and if you can't find the time, drink some coffee) and pay tribute to Thomas P. Crapper, an amazing man. Flushed with Pride, a satirical biography of his life is available here.


The Best Nation

When a homeless person asks you "what's the best nation?" he or she is probably not waiting for you to say the United States of America. He or she would also probably not agree.


If one is practiced in the art of asking questions for the ultimate purpose of soliciting money, the inflection used in asking said question will probably tip you off that it's a rhetorical question. The answer, by the way, is "the best nation is donation."


So when a friend/TFR reader asked me why someone would anonymously donate $54 to Haiti, I thought it might be what Barack Obama (President of the best nation) would call a "teachable moment."


Harvard professors can be black, Jesus was probably eggshell-to-tan-colored, Hanukkah is a stupid holiday, Morley Safer, in addition to Andy Rooney, is the second member of the 60 Minutes team who has been dead for some time now but still manages to appear on the air, and it is the Jews who often give both anonymously and in increments of $18 (18x3=54).


While I'll never know WHO gave $54 to Haiti to piggyback upon my Colts/Jets wager, my guess is that it was a Jew. It's probably wrong of me to speculate, but the e-mail address did include the letters NYC, which anyone will tell you is the best city...that is, except for homeless people. They think the best city is generosity.


I am done talking about football.

Colts 30. Jets 17.

Not trying to gloat or nothin' but...the Colts scored 24 unanswered points and won.


Haiti won $100 from Justin and $54 from an anonymous reader (whom I've never met) who graciously pledged to send money to a charity that does NOT belong to Wyclef Jean.


Thank you internets. I hereby retire from sports prognostication with a record of 1-0.

Eating Crow?

As I write this, the New York Jets are up 17-6 over the Indianapolis Colts.

Do I fear? No. It's the second quarter. And I've been watching Peyton Manning destroy my semi-beloved Houston Texans two times a year for literally 8 years running now. The Colts are going to win this game.